YOU CANíT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

Okay, Iíve been busy…nuts in fact! School started which means playdates, homework and most important: PTA! Oh yeah, PTA is the mafia of schools and you have to be politically correct and ďdo the right thingĒ as we say in Jersey.

At the parents meeting I tried to hear what the Rabbi was saying, the President of the PTA was saying but all I could hear were what the moms were saying…on their cell phones! As a performer Iím well aware when people are talking during a speech but Iím also not capable of hearing over cell phones ringing and actual cell phone conversations! Iím deaf from having two little girls!

With THAT being said I return to my humble abode where I have neighbors who are possessed…by what? No answer.

Latest dwelling drama: A neighbor who lives in the maidís quarters and NOT with his parents intimidates people by dressing like a Cholo…but heís Persian and no, not Jewish. (THANK G-D!)

If you donít know what a ďCholoĒ is…take a trip downtown LA. I didnít expect this scene in my building on the lovely Wilshire Corridor! This guy is wearing a black ďdoo ragĒ, one sweatpants leg pulled up and drags his other leg like heís wearing a brace.

Obviously, a friend of mine as a neighbor asks me if I know him. WHY would I know HIM? Heís lurking, chain smoking in the pool area and Iím WATCHING this scene from my balcony and trust me…at 113 degrees I did consider going into the pool and getting my hair wet but… maybe not!

He doesnít talk. He stares and smokes. Our kind 1st floor neighbors invited us to Shabbat dinner for Sukkot and Iím thinking: Is there going to be a ďhitĒ? I receive complaints constantly about my kids, those lilí darlings! Biggest complaint is ďsplashingĒ in the pool. Odd…you canít splash on cement but thatís not the point, hereís the point: I canít be stressed out where I live! I have to write this column for Virtual Jerusalem or Iíll be fired! (Note to the editor?)

Iím supposed to RELAX here! Too bad I couldnít be at the Board Meeting. It was held Erev Rosh Hoshana! I propose the next big meeting should be on Christmas Eve. With the amount of Jews living in my building, I shouldnít be the only one speaking out.

But I am.

It’s 100 degrees and was thinking of getting my hair wet today but…I can’t be in the pool with my Middle Eastern Cholo. Call me CRAZY but I’m confused! In Jersey, Dominicans are converting to Islam and now a Muslim in my building is converting to ďCholoism!Ē

You canít make this up and I never do so find out more next week when you tune in to my Blog…hey..you never know!

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