Archive for August, 2011

New York! It never fails to surprise me!

Friday, August 19th, 2011

I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WRITE A WORD SINCE I’VE ARRIVED. FIRST, I WENT TO A FAMILY PARTY AND HAD A BLAST. ONE OF MY LITTLE COUSINS WANTED A SLEEPOVER AND THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE, RIGHT?

WRONG! MY NIECE CAME TO ME RIGHT AFTER SHE GOT OFF HER CAMP TRIP AND OF COURSE, MY KIDS WANTED HER FOR A SLEEPOVER AND HEY, THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE, RIGHT?

WRONG! AN EMERGENCY MEDICAL SITUATION ARISES AND I HAVE TWO GIRLS WITH ME WHILE THE FAMILY TENDS TO THE SITUATION. ONE, STILL IN DIAPERS. I THINK IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL UNTIL THE NOISE LEVEL HITS AN ALL TIME HIGH! IT WAS LIKE HAVING MY NOISY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR FROM LOS ANGELES LIVING WITH ME!

REALITY HITS: I HAVE A TOTAL OF 6 GIRLS IN MY HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME. PLEASE NOTE: WE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY!

NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAVE NEW RESPECT FOR THE ORTHODOX WOMEN WHO HAVE SO MANY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. THEY SHOULD HAVE A HOLIDAY JUST FOR THEM!

THE NEXT MORNING I HAD A MEETING WITH GORDON BALKCOM, A GREAT PUBLICIST I WORK WITH WHEN I’M ON THE EAST COAST.

THE FUN BEGAN: ONE BY ONE THEY RYTHMICALLY CAME DOWNSTAIRS: “EGG WHITES!” ‘PANCAKES!” “CROISSANT WITH BUTTER!” “BOILED EGGS!” IT WAS AS IF I JUST OPENED A BREAKFAST JOINT. GORDON WAS TRYING TO FINISH JUST ONE CONVERSATION WITH ME WHEN ONE GIRL HOWLED” “THERE’S YELLOW IN MY EGG WHITES!” NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT WAS A SHORT MEETING,

THERE IS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED:
DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE “OCCUPATION” OF A HOUSEWIFE. I’D RATHER BE WORKING THAN CLEANING TWO BATHROOMS AFTER “SPA NIGHT” WHERE THERE IS AVOCADO CLOGGING MY JACUZZI AND MY TOILET IS BACKED UP WITH CUCUMBER SLICES. AFTER PLUNGING AND CLEANING AND SCRUBBING I REALIZE THE CATS HAVEN’T EATEN! I HAVEN’T EATEN! THE KIDS ARE READY FOR LUNCH AND I HAVEN’T DONE THE SHOPPING YET!

IT’S BEEN QUITE A SUMMER IN THE CITY! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE ALL MY FANS AT THE LAUGH FACTORY IN HOLLYWOOD AND LOOKING FORWARD TO THE THIRD SEASON OF “JAMES AND SUNDA.”
TO ALL MY VIRTUAL JERUSALEM FANS: GIVE A MOM A BREAK…WHENEVER YOU CAN! SOMETIMES EVEN VALIUM CAN’T GET YOU THROUGH THE DAY WITH A HOUSE FULL OF KIDS!

THE SAD PART IS THAT I’M GOING MISS MY GIRLS WHEN THEY GO BACK TO SCHOOL.  WHO’S GOING TO ENTERTAIN ME? I GUESS THAT’S MY JOB, SO I’LL BE BACK TO ENTERTAIN ALL OF MY FANS AND LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING OLD FRIENDS!