Archive for May, 2011

“OY’NOLD”

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

I will never look at my housekeeper the same way, again! Our own former governor will change the way women hire help. I will hire a woman who is drop dead gorgeous because obviously “attractive” is no longer “IN” these days! Between Arnold’s “Homely Housekeeper” and Charlie Sheen’s pimple squeezing “ODDesses” I have no idea what has happened to movie stars and what they are thinking of when they decide to bed trash.

Beauty has nothing to do with this scandal. Clearly the former Governor of California has been on too many steroids. This gives a whole new meaning to the game “Old Maid!” We all saw “it” coming with this marriage only we didn’t know “it” would look like “Cousin IT!” We wondered what beautiful Maria saw in him anyway! It couldn’t be the secret Swastika tattoo hidden in that “special place.” I mean the Austrian accent can’t be a turn on unless you’re Eva Braun, right?

Being a HUGE fan of Maria Shriver it baffled me when she married him. He always made me queasy with the baby oil and bulging muscles but…that’s how you make it in show business and obviously Republican politics!

Here’s my question: How lazy could he have been that he didn’t want to leave the house and what in the hell was he attracted to anyway? The way she folded the sheets? Maria is Catholic…she knows now that the nuns in school were right all along! “Don’t sit at a dinner table with a white tablecloth or the man will think of “sheets” You know what comes with sheets…. THE HOUSEKEEPER!

I’m done. My heart goes out for all of his children and of course, I feel for his wife but she’ll survive…she’s a Kennedy which means she can withstand more pain than a root canal without Novocain but there is more to this story and we will find out. Stay tuned as the Filipino seamstress, the Russian cook and the Poolboy/Dogwalker come out with their stories! Hey…don’t judge me! I say: Never say never! As Arnold says: “I’ll be back” and I will be back only if you stay tuned to the World of Sunda…and watch that new Swedish and Black Nanny Au Pair you hired. You never knows what goes down in the Laundry Room! LOL! To the SVENSKAS! Enjoy your life everyone…every day is a miracle.

Rest…in Pieces!

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

Osama Bin Laden and my mother in law will inevitably meet in the same place once they “cross over!” She’ll sue him and he’ll go into hiding…. again! JOKE!

Based on my act, I was sued by my mother in law for “defamation” but won. People say, “It was dismissed, why do you think YOU won?”

Because… she’s dead.

I’m begging my in-laws to get their OWN spotlight so I can go on with my life! Cyber Stalkers! Disturbing, vicious e-mails continue, clearly sent from them.

Most disturbing is the greed.

While sitting Shiva we receive a call from one of Ruth’s brokers informing us that someone impersonating “Ruth Zafrin” requested a transfer of funds to her checking account! The number was traced to a “914” area code. Brooklyn is still 718…it’s not Westchester! They couldn’t wait for her head to be cold before they started in on her money!

My BROTHER in law, married to my husband’s sister is persona non grata in my life yet he and his wife convinced an 80-year-old grandmother to sue her grandchildren’s mother over…. JOKES containing the “racist” names Hadassah and Goldie! This frivolous lawsuit and family influence was obviously very stressful on my mother in law.

Ruth Zafrin was found dead in her apartment alone on March 29, 2011.

Not a teary eye at the funeral with the exception of my oldest nieces and their mother, aka: “Plaintiff”. I feel genuinely bad for her as she must live with the guilt of knowing she influenced and convinced Ruth to join the lawsuit as she and her husband didn’t have a chance of winning without Ruth’s testimony. G-d only knows what anguish Ruth went through. Forced to hurt her two beautiful granddaughters. Once the case was lost, she wasn’t needed anymore and sadly, died alone.

Informed at the funeral that my husband’s brother’s wife spoke ill of my little ones to her daughter (of the same age) was sickening. “Stay away from those girls because they are “evil!” perpetuated the unreasonable hatred of this “family” to the next generation.

Mazel Tov to the Zafrin family! Mission accomplished: Ruth’s dead and….YOU get the money that my husband worked for with his father for 20 years! There is blood on someone’s hands and it’s not mine…I just hold a microphone and I’m ready to REALLY tell it like it is. Never again will my kids be exposed to this toxic family of “Chazerai!” They will never see them again and THAT’S the real win! Stay tuned…This column is going to become a movie! To my fans that sent condolences and donations to Gilda’s Club of Northern NJ, Ruth would have thanked you…had she lived.