Sunda Croonquist Blog

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

Okay, I’ve been busy…nuts in fact! School started which means playdates, homework and most important: PTA! Oh yeah, PTA is the mafia of schools and you have to be politically correct and “do the right thing” as we say in Jersey.

At the parents meeting I tried to hear what the Rabbi was saying, the President of the PTA was saying but all I could hear were what the moms were saying…on their cell phones! As a performer I’m well aware when people are talking during a speech but I’m also not capable of hearing over cell phones ringing and actual cell phone conversations! I’m deaf from having two little girls!

With THAT being said I return to my humble abode where I have neighbors who are possessed…by what? No answer.

Latest dwelling drama: A neighbor who lives in the maid’s quarters and NOT with his parents intimidates people by dressing like a Cholo…but he’s Persian and no, not Jewish. (THANK G-D!)

If you don’t know what a “Cholo” is…take a trip downtown LA. I didn’t expect this scene in my building on the lovely Wilshire Corridor! This guy is wearing a black “doo rag”, one sweatpants leg pulled up and drags his other leg like he’s wearing a brace.

Obviously, a friend of mine as a neighbor asks me if I know him. WHY would I know HIM? He’s lurking, chain smoking in the pool area and I’m WATCHING this scene from my balcony and trust me…at 113 degrees I did consider going into the pool and getting my hair wet but… maybe not!

He doesn’t talk. He stares and smokes. Our kind 1st floor neighbors invited us to Shabbat dinner for Sukkot and I’m thinking: Is there going to be a “hit”? I receive complaints constantly about my kids, those lil’ darlings! Biggest complaint is “splashing” in the pool. Odd…you can’t splash on cement but that’s not the point, here’s the point: I can’t be stressed out where I live! I have to write this column for Virtual Jerusalem or I’ll be fired! (Note to the editor?)

I’m supposed to RELAX here! Too bad I couldn’t be at the Board Meeting. It was held Erev Rosh Hoshana! I propose the next big meeting should be on Christmas Eve. With the amount of Jews living in my building, I shouldn’t be the only one speaking out.

But I am.

It’s 100 degrees and was thinking of getting my hair wet today but…I can’t be in the pool with my Middle Eastern Cholo. Call me CRAZY but I’m confused! In Jersey, Dominicans are converting to Islam and now a Muslim in my building is converting to “Choloism!”

You can’t make this up and I never do so find out more next week when you tune in to my Blog…hey..you never know!

HELP!  I’m just getting adjusted to LA time, again after spending time in New York and suddenly it hits me:  IT’S ROSH HOSHANA!  I’m talking like…NOW!

Oh yeah, over the summer that’s all the moms talked about is how it’s so early and how that’s a good thing, etc. etc.  Well that was a dream because the nightmare is coming quicker than Hurricane Earl!  I have a day trip to Disneyland tomorrow and all I’m thinking is HOW AM I GOING TO PULL THIS OFF?!!!  I have no time for Minnie and Mickey and if Minnie is Jewish, she’s stressing out as much as the rest of us!

Obviously my upstairs insomniac neighbor is prepared, she’s been dragging furniture all through the night and day so perhaps I should hire HER to get my house in order!

Women have such responsibilities that sometimes go unappreciated.  It really isn’t that easy to get ready for such a big holiday right after summer vacation.  I still have sand in my shoes from Jersey and haven’t unpacked and the anxiety has reached a whole new level:  I’M DREAMING of Rosh Hashanah mishaps!  Women reading this will know what I’m talking about…you put up the chicken and when you go to check on it, the oven isn’t on.  You burn the brisket because you had the wrong range on high.  You forget to MAKE the matzo balls because you were concentrating so hard on getting the fat out of the chicken soup.  For Jewish women these dreams cause real anxiety!

Well, I’m done.  I’ll get through these next few days somehow, some way if someone let’s me borrow their “hooves” because trust me, after walking through Disneyland, I’m going to need them to prepare for Yuntif!

My biggest challenge is that this year I got the “good news” from my Temple that they are changing the High Holy Day Prayer books.  I just bought new ones LAST year! I’m hoping that the only change is in the font! Every year I’m convinced I’m going blind, as the print seems smaller and me being a three time Hebrew class dropout…I’m always behind everyone when we pray and of course, everybody always asks ME in the loudest whisper “WHAT PAGE ARE WE ON?”

As much as I kvetch I look forward to spending time with my family and friends and of course can always count on those extra pounds, which I convince myself will “evaporate” after Yom Kippur but there I go, dreaming again!

L’Shana Tovah to all my fans and readers.   A healthy and sweet New Year to each and every one of you!  That reminds me…. I forgot to put honey on my grocery list!

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