Archive for June, 2009

“Hot Fun in the Summertime!”

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

So glad school is out! It’s NOT that I don’t love the Moms in my kids school but honestly…they talk a lot! My time is so limited and they’ve got so much time! Everyone wants to know when I’m having another baby. Why oh WHY would I do something like that? It took (honestly!) 4 years for me to get my body to look like this. It has not been easy. I don’t know how these women do it in a year…and when I say do IT, i mean…where people say “YOU have two kids?” Of course they have no idea that on my tushie there are stretch marks that look like a map of South East Asia! JOKE! (Should I sue myself for that joke?)

I hate working out. I hate it! My trainer is wonderful and her name is Vita. Vita helped my husband lose 100 lbs. She is very motivating and beautiful as well. You look at her body and you’re like,,,, hey…..I wanna look like THAT!

I made a mistake with her, once. I was talking to her in Spanish and she seemed insulted. I said …”what’s the problem?” She said : “I don’t speak Spanish!….why would you even THINK I was Spanish?” I told her: “Frankly, I thought you were a Mexican because you shaved OFF your eyebrows and had drawn them back ON!” I mean come on….who ELSE does that?! Anyway sit down for this one: She tells me: “I’m not Mexican…I’m Vietnamese and Italian.” I didn’t see THAT coming!

This is the dawning of the Age of Obama! EVERYBODY is mixed! Listen, if you haven’t done it…do it! Marry out of the box and have a mixed kid! It’s the RAVE! Just kidding….NOW it’s cool but back in the “day”…OMG! Not so nice….people always wanted me to take “sides”. I’m Black and I’m White. I clearly don’t look all White and I clearly don’t look all Black! It’s obvious that I am 100% PUERTO RICAN! i know it’s in my act but it’s funny how SO many people in Jersey think that I really am PUERTO RICAN!

All I can say is I’ve learned to embrace who I am and what I am. Took some time….remember, I have a Militant Uncle (Yes, Uncle Junie Boy!) who I grew up with who taught me not to trust the “Man”. The “Honky” was the Enemy…. (and no, My Uncle Junie Boy is NOT suing me for using him in my Act!) I’ve grown up with racism on both sides of the coin and ended up being a rather observant Conservative Jew. Go figure!

Life’s like that. You grow up, meet the man of your dreams who gives you everything you can ask for: A great life, two beautiful children, supportive of my Career and has a family… who SUES me! You take those lemons and make lemonade! To Patsy….you are right, I should have never stopped talking about the lawsuit but I did for the sake of my children.

I haven’t decided how I’m going to explain to them the situation because they are REALLY blended …remember: they are not like me. I had two Black Grandparents. They only have ONE(that would be my Mom) but they are so proud of having that heritage.

I let my Uncle Junie teach them what he wants to teach them. He doesn’t see them often but he definitely leaves an impression on them! They will and are going to have to live with the fact that they have a mom who is of “color” and people will say stupid things.

When Aviva was an infant, (she is CLEARLY from the Swedish side of my family! ) A white woman approached me in the park….she said my G-d her eyes are so blue and beautiful…and her hair! It’s blonde but it’s like gold!” I said: “Thank you” and kissed my baby…..She then added: “Have you been taking care of her for a long time? She really likes you!” I was stunned.

This woman thought I was the Nanny and I’m the MAMMY! I cooly responded: “Yes, I’ve had her since she was born”. “Well”, she said “She really likes you a lot and is obviously very used to you…you must spend a lot of time with her.”

I then covered Aviva with a blanket, opened my blouse and proceeded to breastfeed her. This woman almost passed out right in Holmby Park in Beverly Hills.

To this day, I don’t think she recovered.

That’s how I roll. You will never see me coming but trust me….I’m someone that doesn’t sit down and take abuse so for the “Haters” out there….buckle your seatbelts….I’m a stunt driver! To all my adoring fans…don’t worry…it’s okay and trust me…after all is said and done this lawsuit against me is a GOOD thing that happened.

Yes, to see my name in legal documents on search engines being brought to my attention by people(all over the world!) is indeed an interesting facet of my life. Something I’ve never dealt with before. At first I was shocked, then I was very saddened when people from my Temple were offering to try to mediate, talk about it, things like that.

There is nothing to talk about. If you sue a family member it’s evident what is going on. My advice: Don’t hate the Player…. hate the Game.

Attacking my career and taking food out of the mouths of my children is basically what’s going on here.

SUE YOUR DAUGHTER IN LAW!!!? SUE your BROTHER’S WIFE? I have never even thought of doing anything like that to a family member. Suing? Taking them to court? Nah…I don’t have the time or larceny in my heart to do that. I’d rather spend my time with my family and volunteer my services to Nursing Homes, hospitals, hospices and organizations to help people have a good time while they are living with Cancer or terminally ill with AIDS. I don’t have time to do evil. My time is for good and if I’ve outed anyone for being what they are….hey….I didn’t sue anyone. I’m just living and enjoying my life.

People have been so kind to me. My Kosher fans from La Gondola….what you all did for me on Saturday night was beyond words. Thanks you from my heart for being who you are. I love you for it and hope to be able to continue to do what you say I do best…give joy. My heart goes out to those “Plaintiffs” that are suing me. May G-d have mercy on your actions.

Pitiful.

Guess what? I’m Black, was Black when I married my husband and will die Black AND guess what else? He went Black…. and he ain’t goin’ back.

’nuff said.

Patsy: That one was for you! Yes, you’re right…they’re GLUED to the Blog! I love ya!
Sunda

We Miss You Johnny Sanchez!

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

I know I promised you Johnny Sanchez but he got sick at the last minute and couldn’t make it to the Laugh Factory last night. It was a heavenly evening despite his absence with the exception of the Bachelorette Party that was in the FRONT row! Boobs were out, vomit was spewing in the bathroom…Dov Davidoff said it best to the bride to be: “Has the guy who’s marrying you ever MET you?” My advice to all brides to be….have fun at your bachelorette party but back off from the Tequila shots.

With the hangover you get…you won’t WANT to get married!

Still the girls were fun and her friends were very supportive and held her hand in the bathroom as she vomited.

Whoever said being a comedian was easy? You tell jokes, do blogs make people laugh and then you get sued and puked on.

I’m sticking with it! Best job in the world.

Will keep you posted but make sure you go to the Hyperion Theater tonight and check me out at 8:00.
1941 Hyperion Blvd
Silverlake, CA

Tonite is a Twitter Storytelling night. Boy….do I have a few stories to tell!

See you tonight!

We Missed You Johnny Sanchez!

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

I know I promised you Johnny Sanchez but he got sick at the last minute and couldn’t make it to the Laugh Factory last night. It was a heavenly evening despite his absence with the exception of the Bachelorette Party that was in the FRONT row! Boobs were out, vomit was spewing in the bathroom…Dov Davidoff said it best to the bride to be: “Has the guy who’s marrying you ever MET you?” My advice to all brides to be….have fun at your bachelorette party but back off from the Tequila shots.

With the hangover you get…you won’t WANT to get married!

Still the girls were fun and her friends were very supportive and held her hand in the bathroom as she vomited.

Whoever said being a comedian was easy? You tell jokes, do blogs make people laugh and then you get sued and puked on.

I’m sticking with it! Best job in the world.

Will keep you posted but make sure you go to the Hyperion Theater tonight and check me out at 8:00.
1941 Hyperion Blvd
Silverlake, CA

Tonite is a Twitter Storytelling night. Boy….do I have a few stories to tell!

See you tonight!

STOP…PLEASE STOP….I KNOW ALREADY!!!!

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Hey, Guys….Fans, friends…all of you. Please understand that I am going through a very painful and difficult situation being sued by my in-laws. Although I am truly appreciative of all the concern you have….I’m sorry to say, you guys have to move on. I have.

YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL… but it’s done.

As far as the lawsuit is concerned: I KNOW I’M BEING SUED BY MY BROTHER, SISTER AND MOTHER IN LAW. I know! I know! I know!!!! TRUST ME I KNOW! DO NOT SEND ME ANY MORE LINKS WITH THE LAWSUIT ON IT…PLEASE.

so…with THAT being said….it’s wonderful that you care about me. It’s sad that it is happening, remember the only people who are really hurting are my baby girls so you have to stop writing to me about this. I can’t begin to tell you how sad this is. My children are so sad not knowing who their family is. Not ever knowing their cousins, and worse than that. Their grandmother, aunt and uncle is suing their mom.

Let’s not talk about this, refer to this on my website or any other account as the Plaintiffs are pathetically, constantly monitoring all that is being written so THAT is why I won’t elaborate…it doesn’t mean I don’t receive or respond to your e-mails/responses it’s just that legally, I can’t. To be honest with you,
I want to take this opportunity to say thanks…Thank you for caring.

It’s not every day a comedian is sued by their in-laws! Most people pick up a phone if they don’t like a joke. Let’s focus on the good things on life like my children’s shoe addiction…actually, I passed that on!!!

My kids will be spared a life of rejection! These last few years have been a MISERY but it is now over and I move on. My husband, children and I are now free. We all want to be “movin’ on up to the top!”

Speaking of moving on up…keep your eyes open for the Raging Jews of Comedy coming to a theater near you, soon!
Johnny Sanchez…we love you and will see you at the Laugh Factory! 8 PM show.

Be there!

I love you all…..Peace.

Sunda

“November is coming…….quicker than a sneeze!”

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

My kids are getting ready for their dance recital with the Debbie Allen Dance Academy and are going to be signing with a new manager….pretty good for two kids under the age of 9! Time for them to get busy….it’s their turn!

I’ve decided to stop reading horoscopes….especially the ones that tell you what is going to happen in future months. I, being the sometimes superstitious comedian that I am have decided to rename it HORRORSCOPES!

“Horrorscopes” say November is THE worst time of the year to plan anything because of the negative position of the stars! I freaked out! It’s my daughter’s big day! November 8th is coming and she’s turning 7 but NOW…I’m so paranoid when it comes to Astrology that I’m not even giving my daughter a birthday party this November! In fact, we’re going to Disneyland! Not taking any chances! OK! So call me Nancy Reagan! She helped run the country!

What I WILL do is tell you that since it is a crazy month…get ready for the newest Kosher Comedy show in town….”Raging Jews of Comedy” produced by Joel Marks. I will keep you updated on our venues and dates in November for the West Coast. I’m very excited to be a part of the show and you will be glad, too!

Stay tuned and I’ll keep you posted!

PS: Yes, as per EVERYONE’s request…JOHNNY SANCHEZ WILL BE AT THE WORLD FAMOUS LAUGH FACTORY ON SUNDA’S SHOW 8:00on Saturday Night. Thank you for all your support, laughter and yes as always….my flowers!

Love…..from your favorite Diva of Comedy!

Sunda

“It’s that time, again!”

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Get ready everyone for the Debbie Allen Dance Acadamy’s dance recital! This will be a great event as my two princesses will be performing! Don’t get me wrong…there’s a few men in tights you wouldn’t want to miss, either! Definitely worth seeing! Please support and for tix please contact: 310/ 280-9145. There…it’s done! My kids can’t tell me I didn’t put it on my blog.

I’ll have more for you later….I promised the girls I would do this when I really would rather be talking about something else….and the beat goes on!

Love to all the parents tonite that are making this evening possible at Sinai for the teachers.

…Mahasti Joon….everyday should be Tabibzede! Hope you have fun.

Love to all.

s

What the….???

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Okay,

I’m done. My kids need an assistant…for REAL! I had to go over their lyrics for Sunday’s theater class, go do art with the youngest from 1:30-2:45, Pick up the oldest at 3:15….Drive THEM an hour away to an audition (where I suddenly realized…hey, Newark really DID have some good parts compared to some parts of LA!) The audition was for Payless….(why not Prada?!!) They had a ball! They had to do gymnastics for the audition and on the way there I got car sickness and was petrified (if only for the moment!) that I was pregnant, again!

They’ve already told me: “No more kids, Mommy!! You won’t love us if you have more!”

They have NO reason to tell me that….I’m DONE! The casting directors asked me: “Are they YOUR children” and I said, yes…..she pours it on…..”OH! They’re beautiful! I’m trying to figure out which one looks like you….are they twins?” “We’re NOT twins!” they retort and then of course Tovah volunteers more information: “We’re a year apart!”

DUH!….in this day and age you don’t HAVE to have kids a year apart….you can take some time off in between birthing sessions….clearly, my husband and I had no self control….or it was just too much Tequila that night! It was way too much information and I was way too tired to handle the chatter of my little birds. Either way it was quite a ride and I realized that they are really growing up quite nicely but sometimes, just sometimes I think…..maybe I drank too much coffee when I was pregnant! THEY HAVE SO MuCH ENERGY!!!!! They didn’t even have Red Bull when I was pregnant but you would swear THEY are on it!

Come see Elon Gold, Jeff Cesario and Jimmy Brogan from the Tonite Show at the Laugh Factory this Saturday…Will be a great show!

Don’t forget the 20th…we have our Kosher Comedy Night at La Gondola!

Congrats to Annie Marks tonite on your award for Parent Teachers night! Having my daughter in your class for the whole year ENTITLES you to a reward!

OY!

good night everyone and sweet dreams…..