I refuse to read horoscopes again! This time it’s making me paranoid about this Saturday night. “Any occasion on this evening is something to be suspicious about and can end in a calamity for a Scorpion”….Great, I’m a Scorpion with a big show Saturday night and now I’m OBSESSING! What tragedy is going to happen to Scorpions on Saturday night! Don’t get married, be Bat-mitzvahed…don’t go out of the friggin’ house if you’re a Scorpion! I’m thinking of having a stand in go onstage for me at the Laugh Factory but my career, (what’s left of it!) is at stake! I’m a Scorpion, so is my husband and my daughter. We should all stay in and with my luck, I’ll fall in the tub!! That’s it! No more HORRORscopes for this November babe! Come on out and see me on Saturday night…let’s see what happens! If I fall onstage…we all knew it was coming. My horoscope told me! Love to all my fans!  Remember just laugh if I tumble across the stage and hey…it won’t be the first time!  I’m not reading any horoscopes for at least a week!  Maybe I’ll become a Gemini and then all my personalities can help me make decisions!  Love you all!   Sunda

First of all, thank you…all of you for your support and nice and not so nice comments. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and let’s state for the record that it would be impossible for me to hate my M.I.L. as she is the grandmother of my children. Not all publicity is good publicity and I’d rather my kids have a nice relationship with my husband’s family as opposed to what’s gone down.

It’s done.

It is what it is and I didn’t ask for it so…..think twice before you sue someone….it’s been a rough ride and my kids deserve better. More important things are going on in life so as I’ve said before…let’s move on. Let’s talk about something else like…..

SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!! This is the worst thing anyone has to shop for on Labor Day weekend! With this hurricane going on in my life I forgot to buy Fisker scissors! This is a certain type of scissor my kid’s school has requested ….I guess they don’t want any “shanking” going on! Frankly, I consider crochet needles weapons as well….but I’m from a “different” part of the world. Speaking of Paterson, NJ…I just heard that they are now campaigning for men to pull up their pants and stop “sagging”. $10,000.00 is going into this campaign…how about putting that money into after school programs so kids don’t get shot on the streets? I could care less what these people are wearing but the money has to be spent in the right places. I don’t think there is anything attractive about the crack of a guy’s tushie to be perfectly honest with you but then again, my husband is hairy….oops! Too much information…he may sue me.

Okay, back to the “saggers”…guys…EX-CONS wear saggy pants..remember that. It’s not hip, it’s stupid and reflects real negative images so let’s try to get our youths to see something positive. NOBODY wants to see your underwear, especially if the elastic is coming apart and to the ladies….don’t even THINK of dating a dude who dares to wear his booty in public…maybe he’s not for you…don’t give in. Make guys be gentlemen, again! Sure, growing up I liked the tough guys, too but THESE punks are corny…they can’t even fist fight, they have to pull a trigger.

Think again before you buy your pants several sizes larger. Look what happened in Paterson? Now there’s a CURFEW! You can’t be on the street after midnight! There goes the neighborhood and we did it so pull up our pants, put away the guns and start fresh.

Paterson was a good town and still is…let’s bring it back! Don’t know how I got from my lawsuit to saving Paterson but damn! Just visited and my kids were like “why are there holes in all the windows?” I’m thinking…’cause these boys can’t even shoot straight!

I’m just keepin’ it real …if you don’t like it, please don’t sue me…I’m already busy….by the way, say a prayer that this all goes away…can’t take one more old lady waving a cane at me screaming “How could you do this to your Mother in Law!???” Trust me, my mother in law can handle herself and if one more widower asks me if she’s available I’m going to SCREAM! She’s suing me and men are telling me…ME…how attractive she is!

She is attractive but I’m not in the match-making mode so please stop asking me about her “availability.” In Services today, a gentleman told me he was sorry what we were going through and that he thought she looked nice and was attractive. My feet are killing me, I’m humiliated by the lawsuit, my kids have cookie crumbs on me and I’m holding their dolls AND I’ve got a dude trying to pick up my mother in law via…. me….DEFENDANT!

And the beat goes on……..

My kids are getting ready for their dance recital with the Debbie Allen Dance Academy and are going to be signing with a new manager….pretty good for two kids under the age of 9! Time for them to get busy….it’s their turn!

I’ve decided to stop reading horoscopes….especially the ones that tell you what is going to happen in future months. I, being the sometimes superstitious comedian that I am have decided to rename it HORRORSCOPES!

“Horrorscopes” say November is THE worst time of the year to plan anything because of the negative position of the stars! I freaked out! It’s my daughter’s big day! November 8th is coming and she’s turning 7 but NOW…I’m so paranoid when it comes to Astrology that I’m not even giving my daughter a birthday party this November! In fact, we’re going to Disneyland! Not taking any chances! OK! So call me Nancy Reagan! She helped run the country!

What I WILL do is tell you that since it is a crazy month…get ready for the newest Kosher Comedy show in town….”Raging Jews of Comedy” produced by Joel Marks. I will keep you updated on our venues and dates in November for the West Coast. I’m very excited to be a part of the show and you will be glad, too!

Stay tuned and I’ll keep you posted!

PS: Yes, as per EVERYONE’s request…JOHNNY SANCHEZ WILL BE AT THE WORLD FAMOUS LAUGH FACTORY ON SUNDA’S SHOW 8:00on Saturday Night. Thank you for all your support, laughter and yes as always….my flowers!

Love…..from your favorite Diva of Comedy!

Sunda

It’s “Parent’s Night Out at the Churchill” hosted by Sunda Croonquist and Mark Zafrin. Parents from Kindergarten at Sinai get to hang out”side” of the playground! Tonight’s event will be catered by La Gondola Kosher Restaurant of Beverly Hills…showtime is 8:00 so be there!

Please…please….no Press allowed at this event. This is something for my children’s school and I would like this to be private. I am not taking any interviews at this time.

My condolences go out to Rabbi Wolpe and his family during this time as his father passed away and our prayers are with the family.

Let’s see how we feel tomorrow after the hangovers hit! OK Parents! I PROMISED I would blog this and here it is! So let’s try to unwind without the whining! “Can I have a playdate” “Can I go to the park” “Can I have a cell phone” CAN I…..get a BREAK!!!!!

See you, soon!

Get ready for Gilda’s Club’s Laugh Off Finale at Banana’s Comedy Club on April 7th. Door open at 6 PM.

It’s our benefit to raise awareness for a great cause…..201-457-1670 for more information.

I’ll have more info for my blog fans….enjoy your Easter, Passover, Spring Break whatever you call it but make sure make it to Gilda’s Club….It’s going to be great!

And no….I am not going to twitter so please don’t ask! Look how long it takes for me to post a BLOG!!!!

I think it’s time to get rid of “twitter” and get “clitter”…It just sounds like more fun! (Kitty litter for you dirty little minds!)

Enjoy your time off and get ready…I got some real blog action coming soon….stay tuned!

Peace….and of course, love, knishes and collard greens!

sunda

It’s cinco de mayo ….which means “five of mayonnaise” in New York..HA! I really have no idea what that means in los angeles except that everyone is drunk on the road!

Although a smaller crowd tonight than normal…The Laugh Factory ROCKED! I love Ian Edwards…he makes me laugh until I cry! On the homefront….my daughter Aviva has now written a song for me that she sings to me everyday about how much she loves me. My youngest, Tovah has decided that she’s “outta this family!”She sounds like she’s in the Sopranos!

I received an e-mail via MySpace from a young lady who says I dated her dad in high school. This was a blast from the past. I had forgotten all about this dude…at least I thought I had… until she contacted me! She’s NOTHING like him…..she’s funny and cute in her writing. Her dad on the other hand, as I remember him he was the most jealous man I ever dated in my life. I’ve never seen or experienced anything like him. It wasn’t love….it was OBSESSION! He was consumed with me. I have to thank G-d I never married him….he wouldn’t have let me have a career…just kids….and stay cooped up in a house. Wait a minute! What am I saying….I’ve got two kids and I stay cooped up in my condo in between gigs and PTA meetings! I guess as much as things change, they remain the same.

I’ve now decided to write some new material on this old relationship….one of the funniest and craziest things he did was drop me off at my college dorm and then wait in the bushes to see if I was going to go out. My roomate was like “Sunda, your boyfriend is in the bushes outside, why don’t you invite him in?” I just SO couldn’t explain…I simply said…”It’s okay…he does this, it makes him feel better!” What could I say? ….. Jealousy. STRANGE emotion. Certainly didn’t work for me….scared the living SHIT outta me! I get goosebumps thinking about all the crazy experiences I had with him.

So many stories, so little time….if I keep going I’ll get paranoid again and think he’s waiting outside the bushes here in LA! He’d never survive, anyway….a possum would bite him in the butt!

Speaking of butts….I’m putting mine to rest. Good nite!

That’s it for now

Went to dinner tonite at Tengu. A sushi restaurant in Westwood….these Japanese have us by the balls. We eat raw fish dipped in incredibly salty soy sauce which we try to convince ourselves is low sodium and order more and more and more as out ankles swell.Complete madness and even more madness when you go out with two kids…there was rice over everything! Their hair, my hair …everybody’s hair…people are going to think they have lice in their hair when they get home ….maybe that’s why so many people slip with the tongue and call “rice” “lice”.

Makes sense. Other than that it’s been a completely exhausting day….everybody tells me this will be over soon and that my girls will be big soon, but I’ll tell you…the only one getting big is ME! I have to let the Lucky Charms go! I keep eating what THEY’RE eating….they’re growing one way and my tushie is growing ANOTHER way! Well, at least I’m stylin’ with my big booty! Anyway…that’s it for now…see you tomorrow….I’m takin’ a nap!

here in nyc for a bar mitzvah! they better have good food because it’s cold as hell here! will be back in los angeles on monday ….i wonder if my kids will remember me?:)

did 5 minutes on the hot tamales show at the comedy store last night….most expensive five minutes of my life. $30.00 to park…..there’s gotta be a better way! maybe next time i’ll walk there from westwood! okay blog….it’s LATE!!!! until tomorrow………..(AFTER the bar mitzvah!)

So glad that the seders have come to an end. I had 24 people in all and I had no idea that my hands could look like a construction worker who has been in the business for 35 years.

It was a great time and of course the kids will be going back to school on Wednesday and I can’t wait…well, I CAN wait because they don’t go to bed early since their vacation and now they’re TALKING in their sleep! I swore I heard my youngest call my oldest a “bitch” and then turned over and went back to sleep. Then again, it could have been me talking about my mother in law…she spends Passover with her “White” family….My husband’s sister, brother and their children. I’m the Black sheep of the family! When they put her ass in a nursing home, she’ll get it. Until such time, I enjoy my life without them! Now summer is coming and it will be time for my girls to go to camp. That’s always a thrill….mosquito bites and bee stings.

This weekend at the Laugh Factory was great….I wish I could make a TV show out of my Saturday nights! I’ve got the strangest, but nicest following! This weekend was Armenians and Phillipinos. The Persians were away for Passover. I can’t complain…Oh well I can but I won’t!…

That’s it for now…enough “kvetching”! Well, actually it’s never enough….isn’t that what blogs are for? Oh….my bad….that’s what HUSBANDS are for!

Out!

Sunda